For example, you might plan to see a movie with them on Friday but they text you on Friday afternoon to tell you something came up. Similarly, you might get a text from them the day before you’re supposed to go out with them saying something like, “I’m feeling kinda sick. I think we should cancel our plans tomorrow just in case. ”
For instance, you might have plans to meet them for coffee at noon but they arrive around 12:30 p. m.
As an example, you might text them, “Are you going to the party on Friday?” A day later, you might receive a text that says, “Maybe! Are you?” Alternatively, they might never respond. Then, when they bump into you at the party, they might say, “Oh! I meant to respond to your text. ”
As an example, when you’re working on a group project with them, you might feel like you’re doing more of the work. Similarly, if you share a home with them, you might feel like they don’t keep up with their chores.
For example, they might forget an important anniversary or a special day that you’re celebrating. Additionally, they might forget important information you told them, like that your pet passed away or you need help moving.
For example, a coworker might tell you they’re going to prepare a big presentation for a client but only send you a few slides. Similarly, a friend might promise to help you plan a mutual friend’s birthday party but only bring a few miscellaneous supplies.
For instance, let’s say you’re hanging out with a flaky friend on a Saturday night. They might randomly suggest that you go on a scavenger hunt. Similarly, they might start dancing at a bar even though no one else is doing it. As another example, a flaky friend might whip out a deck of tarot cards at a formal party. Alternatively, they might go back and forth between being vegan.
Smoking Drinking alcohol Overeating junk food Going on spending sprees Driving too fast Having unsafe sex
Don’t try to diagnose someone with a mental health condition. Just understand that it’s possible that the person has an underlying reason for acting the way they do.
Let’s say your partner is flaky and often forgets to do the dishes. You might say, “When the dishes are still dirty in the morning, I feel really stressed and worry that they’ll attract bugs. Then, I end up doing them for you. What changes can we make to help you remember to do them?” Similarly, let’s say your friend is always late when they’re meeting up with you. Say, “I feel unimportant when you don’t show up on time. What can we do to help you arrive on time?”
Create padding in your schedule so they can be late. Plan an activity that you can do while you wait for them. Let them pick places and activities. Don’t base plans around them. Avoid agreeing to rides with them. Include other people in your plans so you can still go if they flake.
For instance, invite them to do karaoke or visit a new bar.
As an example, let’s say your roommate left their clothes in the hallway. Don’t pick them up! Leave the clothes there until they come get them. Similarly, your coworker might have done only half of a report. Send them an email with your boss copied on it that says something like, “This is the report that I have received from you. Half of the data is missing. Is this your final version?” This alerts your boss to the issue so you get credit for any extra work you do.
If your partner is flaky, this might mean running a more relaxed household with fewer chores. Similarly, you might decide to wait on commitments like marriage and children. If your coworker is flaky, you might avoid giving them tasks that require a lot of organization.
Say something like, “Thank you so much for coming to my birthday party tonight. I saw that you were early, and that makes me feel so good!”
