Let your parents know that you are appreciative for all they have done for you. It can hurt to feel taken for granted, even for parents. Show your appreciation with your actions. Get them a nice gift or, if you live with your parents, do some extra housework without being asked. They will likely be happy with you for this.
Focus less on seeking their approval. Be willing to define yourself and your self-worth through your own eyes. Acknowledge your past, then move on. Your relationship with your parents may have been rough before. Remember this and assess the role you have played in your relationship with your parents, but do not let it define your relationship going forward. [4] X Research source
Accept that your parents are different. They grew up in a different generation with different social norms and rules of conduct, with different technologies and ways of thinking, with parents who treated them certain ways, that was probably much different that the ways of parenting today. [6] X Research source Think about the ways that their lives may have been different from your life, and how these different histories may be contributing to issues in the relationship. Try using this information when you talk about improving your relationship with them. Remind them that times change and ask them to think about their relationship with their own parents. See if they can recall any issues in their relationship with their parents that were due to these ‘generational’ differences. For example, if your relationship with your parents is rocky because they disapprove of you moving in with your significant other before marriage, try reminding them that in their generation people were even more conservative still, and that times change and it is in fact quite common to move in with a significant other without being married. [7] X Research source
Engage in self-discovery. Hold aside what everyone else thinks about you and how you should live your life, including your parents, and ask yourself some serious questions about yourself. Be sure to honestly answer questions such as “what feelings do I want to feel most?” or “what do I want to spend more of my time on?” or “what are my talents?” or “what kind of person am I?” Consider whether you are going along with your parents’ opinion because you also believe it or because your automatic inclination is to think what they do about something (such as about your relationships, politics or even simple things like your favorite sports team, for example).
For example, if you continue to expect them to support you financially, you may be leaving the door open for your parents to give you too much unwanted advice or guilt you into spending time with them. [9] X Research source
You may feel that you parents give too much unwanted advice, treat you like a kid, do not respect your opinions, guilt you into spending time with them, or disrespect your friends or spouse. Be sure to have a good sense of the particular aspect of your relationship that you want to improve.
There are a number of ways in which you can be respectful. Try using polite language (such as “sorry” or “would you mind if”), speaking modestly (“it may be” instead of “it definitely is”), and letting them finish speaking before you take your turn.
When you are interacting with your parents and you feel a wave of strong emotion coming on, re-assess the situation that led to your strong feelings by asking yourself some questions. [11] X Research source For example, if you are in a disagreement with your parents about mowing the lawn you might ask: “In the grand scheme of things, how bad will it really be to mow the lawn?” Or, if you don’t live with your parents but they are overly involved, asking you detailed questions about your job and giving unwanted advice, you might ask: “What is their motivation for wanting to be so involved? Is it that they care about me and are worried about my financial security?” Asking yourself questions like this may lead you to feel less upset and it may give you insight into how you should respond to your parents. In this case, you may try to improve your relationship by easing their worries about your financial future. If re-assessing your situation doesn’t work to reduce how emotional you feel, try asking politely whether you can continue the discussion once you have cooled your jets. Explain that you are feeling really upset and don’t want to accidentally say something rude or regretful. [12] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
To get around this, try only asking for their advice when you are sure that you really want it. If you are just feeling lazy to think about things on your own, and so you ask your parents, you may be opening the door to frustration on your part.
Keep in regular contact so your parents can get a better perspective on your life, what upsets you, and what makes you happy. If they do not know you that well, it will be difficult for them to try to improve the relationship. If you listen to your parents they will be more likely to listen to you, opening the door for you to try discussing improving the relationship. [15] X Research source
Sit down with your parents and tell them you want to improve your relationship with them, but that in order to do so, you think it would be helpful if there were some rules. Ask that they make a list of the rules they would like implemented, and you do the same. If you are a teenager or child, rules can include not bringing up certain topics, giving you a chance to try things on your own, or letting you stay out later at night as long as you check in by text or call and can prove that you are being responsible. If you are an adult, rules can include asking your parents not to interfere with the way you are choosing to parent your own children, or asking your parents not to comment negatively about your significant other. Discuss the different rules, and narrow them down to a list that you all agree on. Check in occasionally to see whether you and your parents are still happy in following the rules that you have agreed on.
