For example, say you’re at work and you get cut off during a meeting. What emotions arise when this happens? On the other hand, how do you feel when you get praised for good work? Getting into the practice of naming your emotions as sadness, embarrassment, joy, contentment, or any other number of feelings will start raising your EQ right away. Get in the habit of tapping into your emotions at certain times every day. What are your first emotions upon waking? Your last before you fall asleep?
Stress might feel like a knot in your stomach, tight chest, or quick breathing. Sadness might feel like waking up with slow, heavy limbs. Joy, pleasure or nervousness might feel like butterflies in your stomach, a racing heart or increased energy.
Feeling embarrassed or insecure might cause you to withdraw from conversation and disconnect. Feeling angry might cause you to raise your voice or angrily stomp away. Feeling overwhelmed might cause you to panic and lose track of what you were doing, or cry.
It’s hard at first, but practice letting negative emotions surface and connecting them to what’s happening. For example, if you feel bitterly envious, what is that emotion telling you about your situation? Fully experience positive emotions, too. Connect your joy or satisfaction to what’s happening around you, so you can learn how to feel them more often.
When you see patterns, you can exert more control over your behavior. Observe how you handled a certain situation before, and how you’d like to handle it next time. Keep a journal of your emotional reactions, or how you feel from day to day, so you can clearly see how you tend to react.
When something negative happens in your life, take a moment to feel your emotions. Some people describe it as having a wave of sadness or anger wash over them. Once the initial wave has passed, make a decision about how you want to behave. Decide to communicate your feelings instead of repressing them, or get up and try again instead of throwing in the towel. Don’t turn to escapist habits. It’s not easy to let bad feelings fully rise to the surface, and many people tamp them down by drinking too much, watching a lot of TV, or turning to other habits that numb the pain. Do this often enough, and your EQ will begin to suffer. Fully experience positive emotions, too. Connect your joy or satisfaction to what’s happening around you, so you can learn how to feel that more often.
Listening to debates on television or the radio. Consider both sides of the argument, and look for the subtleties that require closer inspection. When someone does not react emotionally the same way you would, consider why this is, and try to see it from their point of view.
To improve empathy, put yourself in other people’s shoes. Think about how you would feel if you were in their situation. Actively imagine how it must be to go through the experiences they’re having and what might alleviate some of their hardship in terms of support and care. When you see someone experience a strong emotion, ask yourself, “How would I react in the same situation?” Be truly interested in what people are saying, so you can react in a sensitive way. Instead of letting your thoughts drift, ask questions and summarize what they’re saying so it’s clear you’re in the conversation.
If you’re not sure that you’re skilled at interpreting facial expressions, try taking a quiz to telling. A higher tone of voice indicates that someone’s stressed.
Think about what patterns you might need to change. If you tend to pick fights with your loved ones, your girlfriend cries easily during conversations, or people tend to close up a bit when you come around, you might need to change your attitude so that you have a better emotional effect on people. Ask trusted friends or loved ones what they think about your emotionality where you have room for improvement. [5] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source A person’s tone of voice can also be of impact. You may have trouble recognizing the effect you have on others, and they can help.
Being “yourself” helps other people really get to know you, and they’ll trust you more if they see where you’re coming from. However, understand that there’s a line: control your emotions so as not to hurt others with them.
Self awareness: The ability to recognize your own emotions for what they are and understand their origins. Self-awareness means knowing your strengths and limitations. Self management: The ability to delay gratification, balance your needs with those of others, take initiative and to pull back on impulsivity. Self-management means being able to cope with change and to stay committed. Social awareness: The ability to be attuned to other people’s emotions and concerns, as well as being able to notice and adapt to social cues. Being socially aware means being able to see the power dynamics at play within any group or in an organizational context. Relationship management: The ability to get along well with others, manage conflict, inspire and influence people and to communicate clearly.
Figure out what triggers your stress, and what helps relieve it. Make a list of effective forms of stress relief, like hanging out with a friend or taking a walk in the woods, and put it to good use. Get help if you need it. If your stress feels too overwhelming to deal with alone, seek the help of a therapist or psychologist who can give you tools to cope (and help you raise your EQ in the process).
Negativity encourages people to focus only on what can go wrong rather than building resilience. People with high EQ tend to know how to use fun and humor to make themselves and others feel safer and happier. Use laughter to get through tough times.
