Introversion Limited speech Avoidance of eye contact Not responding to others addressing them Difficulty using nonverbal communication Difficulty expressing emotions or thoughts “Clinging to” or following certain people Difficulty forming friendships Social anxiety
Take time to think - when did the child begin smiling? Waving? Making sounds? Responding to their name? How did they respond to being comforted? Did they ever seem to lose skills or regress?[5] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Not all autistic people experience speech delays. Some learn to speak on time, or even start speaking early. [6] X Research source
Autistic people can temporarily lose the ability to speak under stress, even if the person can typically speak normally. However, they’ll be able to use this skill again when the stressor is gone. Someone with selective mutism can be extremely talkative around their “safe” people, and may be described as chatterboxes. [11] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source Some people with selective mutism can talk normally with a few people outside of their family, such as their peers. However, outside of this “safe group”, the person will be unable to speak. [12] X Research source
Some people with selective mutism might be able to whisper to others, or make brief noises in a voice that “isn’t theirs”. [15] X Research source Autistic people might not be able to give “correct” responses, and might say things that don’t match the context of the conversation (like saying “The puppy went outside” when there was no dog in the room). [16] X Research source Someone with selective mutism may have a speech or language disorder, such as stuttering. [17] X Research source (However, speech disorders are not part and parcel of selective mutism. )[18] X Research source
An autistic person may “ramble” about certain topics, including some that most people their age wouldn’t be interested in (e. g. a young child “infodumping” about chromosomal deletion). They may recite a long list of information or give endless trivia about it, and not realize when the listener isn’t interested or is getting bored. [19] X Trustworthy Source National Institute of Mental Health Informational website from U. S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness. Go to source Even though they may be quite talkative when comfortable, a person with selective mutism will typically understand that conversations are give-and-take. An autistic person might dominate the conversation without realizing the listener wants to talk, or struggle to carry on a conversation. [20] X Trustworthy Source National Institute of Mental Health Informational website from U. S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness. Go to source [21] X Research source
Social rules such as turn-taking, manners, and “white lies” can be confusing to an autistic person, especially if the rules seem arbitrary or aren’t always applied.
Autistic children may prefer solitary or parallel play; playing with other children might be confusing or overwhelming to them. [24] X Research source A child with selective mutism might opt for solitary play, but this is because they can’t speak to their peers, not because they’re confused by them. [25] X Research source Autistic people may prefer to talk to people who are older or younger than them - for example, a child talking to an adult, or a teenager spending time with younger kids. To them, it’s not as difficult as talking to their peers. A person with selective mutism will only talk to their “safe” people, because it’s too difficult to talk to anyone else. [26] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source Both autistic people and people with selective mutism usually want some friends. Autistic people may have difficulty with knowing how to make friends;[27] X Research source someone with selective mutism struggles to overcome their anxiety about doing so. [28] X Research source
An autistic person might have difficulty trying to figure out what someone is feeling or what they’re going to do next, and may get confused or upset if someone doesn’t share the same thoughts or opinions as them. [32] X Trustworthy Source National Institute of Mental Health Informational website from U. S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness. Go to source Autistic people may struggle with discerning sarcasm and figurative language, and frequently take things literally. [33] X Expert Source Iddo DeVries, MA-SLPSpeech-Language Pathologist Expert Interview. 28 August 2020. For example, they may be confused by phrases like “What’s up?” or “Cat got your tongue?”. [34] X Trustworthy Source Austistic Self Advocacy Network Nonprofit organization run by and for individuals on the autism spectrum that empowers autistic people through education and public advocacy Go to source This is not a problem for someone with selective mutism. Children with selective mutism will usually respond to their name being called and will look in the right direction if someone points to something. Autistic children may not respond to their name or look to see what someone is pointing at. [35] X Research source
Autistic people may avoid eye contact because it’s painful to them, or make too much eye contact and “stare people down”. Their facial expressions or tone of voice might not match what they’re thinking or feeling. [37] X Trustworthy Source National Institute of Mental Health Informational website from U. S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness. Go to source Someone with selective mutism might seem rigid or have “jerky” movements or facial expressions. They may appear to be tense or anxious. [38] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source In some cases, selective mutism can cause a person to freeze up; they might not be able to use body language or make eye contact, but they can still understand it. [39] X Research source [40] X Research source [41] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source An autistic person may use some forms of nonverbal communication to communicate what they want or need, like pointing to something.
An autistic person might struggle with auditory processing disorder, and might need to muffle or “mute” other sounds (like turning off the ceiling fan or moving to a quieter room) to focus on and process what somebody is saying to them.
Repeating what was just said to them Repeating a phrase they heard when they felt a certain emotion (e. g. saying “happy birthday” when they’re excited) Repeating instructions while they do something Quoting lines from something (e. g. a book or movie) at random
An autistic person may reach milestones earlier or later than expected. Some will follow the typical developmental timeline, and be diagnosed at an older age. Consider both typical developmental milestones (vocalizing/speaking, walking, potty-training) and skill development (learning to read, tying shoes, independent self-care, driving a car). Selective mutism can make it difficult for someone to reach later-in-life milestones - like going to college, getting a job or earning their driver’s license - because of the socializing required for these. [47] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source Autistic people may develop anxiety about reaching later-in-life milestones, because the independence required can be difficult for them. They may try to overcompensate in areas they’re good at, or attempt to “make up for” things they can’t yet do.
This doesn’t mean that autistic children have no imagination. They often imagine things and just don’t act them out. [49] X Trustworthy Source Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network Nonprofit organization providing community, support, and resources for Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, and those identifying as other marginalized genders. Go to source Some autistic children might recite and act out scenes from books, movies, and plays they’re familiar with. It may look to be imaginary play at first glance, but they typically follow the original material closely. [50] X Trustworthy Source Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network Nonprofit organization providing community, support, and resources for Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, and those identifying as other marginalized genders. Go to source Autistic children might be able to engage in more obvious imaginative play, like roleplaying, if another child takes the lead.
This can also apply to things unrelated to routine; for example, an autistic person might get upset if somebody moves their things around on their desk or in their room. [56] X Research source Autistic people may dislike or resist most change, even if the change would have little effect or would be temporary (e. g. not wanting to go out for dinner even if they like food at the restaurant, because they usually eat at home).
Autistic people can (and often will) recite lots of information about their special interest(s) at will, which is called infodumping.
Flapping or waving their hands or arms Flicking their fingers Rocking back and forth Spinning around in circles Watching things move around (e. g. staring at the ceiling fan) Touching or feeling textured things Vocalizing in some manner (e. g. humming, making sounds, shrieking, echolalia) Smelling things Playing with something (e. g. a fidget toy or their hair) Some people stim in harmful manners; for example, they might scratch themselves, pull their hair, hit their head, or break things. These stims can be replaced by alternatives so as not to cause harm.
Fixating or perseverating on activities Trouble moving from one activity to another Difficulty starting or following through on tasks Needing prompting to work on something Trouble controlling emotional reactions Messiness; difficulty keeping organized (may lose things often as a result) Poor impulse control
Poor coordination (may constantly lose their balance, run into things, drop things, or “trip on their own feet”) Trouble writing or typing Difficulty getting dressed independently, and/or difficulty with zippers, buttons, and tying shoes Trouble speaking clearly; may have an unusual voice Difficulty controlling their movement (e. g. pointing to the wrong thing)
Meltdowns can involve screaming, crying, falling on the floor, and in some cases, self-injury. (If the person learned to behave aggressively, they may do things like hit, kick, or bite objects or people, but most autistic people are not violent. ) They may look like temper tantrums on the surface, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns cannot be stopped. [65] X Research source Shutdowns are essentially a meltdown turned inward. The person may struggle to speak or stop speaking, temporarily lose skills, and feel exhausted by things they would normally be able to tolerate. They’re often “running on fumes”, and in severe cases, may struggle to care for themselves during a shutdown. [66] X Research source Children with selective mutism may throw tantrums in an attempt to avoid social situations, but these tantrums are under the child’s control and are limited to children. Meltdowns and shutdowns are not controllable and can occur at any age.
Selective mutism can’t be outgrown, but it can be overcome with treatment during both childhood and adulthood. [71] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source Autism is permanent and will not go away, though an autistic person can learn alternative ways to communicate and manage their environment. [72] X Research source
Read from a variety of autistic people and people who have or had selective mutism. Autism is a broad spectrum (and can go overlooked in girls and people of color), and selective mutism looks different in everyone. You or your child might relate better to one person than to another. Try posting a description of your or your child’s behaviors on #AskAnAutistic or #AskingAutistics. While they can’t provide an official diagnosis, autistic people can often discern whether another person is autistic, or if they might have something else. (You can use a fake name if you’re worried about privacy. ) Avoid fearmongering organizations such as Autism Speaks. Neither autism nor selective mutism are life-ruining, and “not speaking” doesn’t mean “not intelligent”. [73] X Research source
Social anxiety Nonverbal learning disability Reactive attachment disorder (if the child was neglected in infancy) Post-traumatic stress disorder (if trauma occurred) Social communication disorder Deafness or hearing loss Limited knowledge of the language (if the person is multilingual) Shyness (if the person starts speaking once they’re comfortable)
For example, you might ask your child’s teacher, “How is Diana getting along with her classmates?” Pay attention to comments about social interaction (e. g. “He’s a very intelligent child, but he doesn’t participate in group discussions; does he speak up at home?” or “They don’t seem to spend time with their peers. Do they spend time with peers at school?”). [78] X Trustworthy Source Understood Nonprofit organization dedicated to resources and support to people with thinking differences, such as ADHD or dyslexia Go to source
